Annie Lennox has always been a favorite of mine. Her album Songs of Mass Destruction has been at the top of my most played list over the past several months. I find such strength in this album.
I know I have very few readers so I feel like I can ease up a bit. I'm amongst friends. This year has been the worst year of my life. I thought my junior year of high school was crappy. It was, but the whole dilemma those years ago can be blamed on teenage angst. 2010 has been a sort of journey of self rediscovery for me. I've never felt so low in my life, believe it or not. I don't want to say more right now because there are no words I could put together to help you understand the feelings and thoughts I've had to keep locked up tight for these several months. I can't think of a better phrase to liken it to other than throwing my pearls before swine, but you're not a bunch of pigs, and what feelings I harbor are far from pearls.
While every song speaks to me in one way or another, track 6, Through the Glass Darkly, comes pretty close to hitting on a few personal levels. Not only are the words so relative to me at this time in my life, but the music these words are set to is exquisite to me.
I'm caught up in the middle
But I'll take it to the end
It's comin back together
And it's breakin' down again
If I could find a reason
I'd say you were my friend
If I could find a reason
I'd say it once again
When I'm with you the days are bittersweet
Still I can't remember what it feels to be complete
I've tried pretending
But it drives me off my feet
I don't know what its coming to
But I'm looking through
The glass darkly... yea
Bright lights
Come and go
Playin' blues songs on my radio
Shadows still. appear
In the house tonight
Ooh yea
Ghosts that come in from the past
All those ghosts that keep on comin' back
Slidin' through the walls
And my windows
Ooh yea
When I'm with you
The nights are cold and long
Still can't remember what
It feels like to be strong
I've tried to blend in
But it seems I don't belong
I don't know what it's comin' to
But I'm looking through the glass darkly... yea
Can I find you? can I find you? I can't find you... yea
4 comments:
Oh my sweet Sarah, you are not alone. Our paths might have different obstacles and pot holes of different shapes, but we are still parallel. I like to think that no thought, no dream, no secret wish, no feeling is a waste. They release us, feed us, sort out the difference and guide us whether we know it at that time or not.
I love you friend. And I love that you have Annie.
XOXO :)
PS: Word verification LEEIN, i.e. Lean In.
I don't want to sound trite, but I understand. It's been a dark year for me so far, and for most of it I've been in denial telling myself it's alright. The depression has been the worst, especially because I'm normally a very positive person. I can usually push forward telling myself it will all work out and believe it, but not so much lately. When I can't find anything good in a situation or see at least some hope for the future, that's the scariest thing ever to me.
Dear Sarah, I am sorry you're in a tough spot. I love you to pieces and I hope you dig yourself out sooner rather than later.
I've thought about you a lot later... even though we live around the corner from each other, I feel like I never get to see you! We should go to lunch sometime or maybe just have pie :)
That second later should really be lately. Sigh.
PS: Word verification RETIFIC - sounds terrific to me!
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