I've been fighting pneumonia since last week. I've been on antibiotics since Sunday. I'm still struggling with my health. I talked to my OChem prof on Monday and he said that he'd keep the test in the testing center one more day for me so I can worry about getting better first. I called him today and asked if he would really do that.
I cannot function. I had a class yesterday that I absolutely had to go to, and as soon as I got home I crashed for 3 hours. I was dead to the world. I've been trying to study for this OChem test I have but I cannot do it. Things that made sense to me last week are flying over my head at a rate so fast that it's totally and completely foreign to me. I've been in tears since my mom went out the door to run errands. (I cannot let her see me cry for several reasons, but the main one is that she's so quick to give up on me and tell me that I just can't handle school and work family and should just quit school.) I don't even remember if I mentioned this before, so I apologize if I'm being a broken record. I printed off the class requirements for the BS English major last week. Looking at those classes, they are more my type. But I cannot let the fact that they seem so much fun and easy (yes, Contemporary Critical Approaches to Literature seems fun and easy) get to me. My problem is this - once I finish this semester, I'm still faced with more-than-likely retaking OChem (since everyone I've talked to in that class is on their second go at it.), Pathophysiology, Anatomy, Physiology, College Algebra 1050 (yes, again), and Statistics BEFORE I can start applying for the program at the U of U. That process alone could take years. I could be done with my English degree in two years. So do I want to keep eating minuscule bites out of the Nursing elephant and pray that I'm finished when Rachel starts college, or do I take a solid bite out of the reality portion of my college education I'm looking at on the other side of the buffet and finish in time to enjoy my life?
4 comments:
Whew girlie, lots on your plate, now a nasty cold on top of it?!
First, take the time you need to get better. Seriously, you can't function at 100%/90%/80%/etc without being physically well.
Second, I completely understand the non-Mom break down. I can't breakdown in front of any of my family ( Casey included) with out some sort of doubt on my abilities/criticism of my choices/other negative bullshit. So what do I do, cry into a towel or the shower. It helps, it gets it out, allows me to vent how I know is best for me ( ie a physical teary release) and they are none the wiser.
Three, your degree... well what would you do with an English degree? You know what you would do with a nursing degree, but english? Is thos other possible degree just a means to an end? Ie, you just want to be DONE with school, or is it what you really want? regardless of which degree you go with, commit to it, keep moving forward, and imagine a perfect future.
Fourth, OChem, don't beat yourself up. Handle what you can handle. Stop looking at what needs to be done in the future and handle what needs to be done NOW. If you retake it, that's okay, truly it's okay. Really, I swear to you, it is okay.
My friend, I want you to stop and look at what you HAVE done. How many semesters of life/work/school juggling have you successfully done? How fabulous is your daughter? Your Husband? How fabulous are you? I can tell you right now, you are doing great, producing great things and reaching great goals. when you are in the weeds of it all, it is sometimes hard to see the bird's eye view. I have a pretty good shot of it all out here in Texas. And girlie, you amaze me.
Now, go eat something yummy, take a hot shower ( cry if you need to) and take a nap. Love to you!
I can totally relate to feeling utterly and completely overwhelmed. It seems to be going around...
Are you considering going to a school with an accelerated nursing program? My brother in-law got his RN in less than 3 years. I know you've mentioned before that you have reasons for doing it the way you are, and only you can make that choice for yourself.
I totally understand long-term goals, and I totally understanding wanting to do it a certain way. I have long-term goals that I can't exactly work toward for the time being and it's hard because I really WANT to. While I wish it could happen right now, I understand that there's a time and season for everything. There's even a purpose to everything we go through. Yes, even pneumonia. I wish I could tell you what the reasons are for you, but most of the time I don't even grasp the full reasons for why I go through what I do. I know that everything I've been through up until this point has helped me grow and become a better person, and that helps me keep moving forward even when it feels like everything is falling down around me.
Anyway, I didn't mean to ramble. Know that I care and feel for you, and I hope you can lick this sickness quickly and get back into the full swing of things. Keep your head up, and if you can't do that, just keep putting one foot in front of the other :)
Geez, I was going to write something, but your two other friends said it perfectly. Take it one day at a time, one step at a time and get better! You have to really think about what it is you want and go for it. Nursing may take longer, but if that is what you want, it will be worth it. You seem to LOVE volunteering. Take the time to get healthy and reevaluate. I will be praying you get better soon! (also, O Chem is EVIL. Don't feel bad. It is a horrible class and you will never use it in the world of nursing, so just do what you gotta do to get through it and forget about all of it. Don't let it get you down:)
All I can say is I love your guts Sarah. You're amazing. (((HUGS)))Please let me know if there's anything I can help out with! :)
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